We’ve made things too complicated in this country. At least, it is for those of us who like the “natural look.”

The first challenge was finding a house that was made out of things like real wood and glass. Done. It has hardwood floors. Kinda.

Most of the floors are beautiful. However, there is carpet in two of the rooms. I was cleaning and painting like a madwoman last weekend, and finally got to the point of taking up the carpet in one of the rooms. Alas, there was stupid sheet linoleum under the carpet. The people hadn’t even cleaned it before putting down the carpet, which grossed me out completely.

Anyway. The linoleum is stuck to the wooden floors with some sort of waxy glue stuff. It’s totally gross, and it’s going to be a bitch to get up. Fixer-upper redux. Oh well, at least I can’t divorce myself.

A lovely man at work has provided me with two scrapers–the kind that are used to remove gum from sidewalks. Appropriate! I suspect I’ll be quite busy these next couple of weekends. Then school is out (thank God) and I can devote entire weeks to what promises to be a very long project, as I also discovered the same problem in Sage’s bedroom and closet. Aughhh!

So I imagine these people back in the day who decided to glue linolium to nice hardwood floors. The way I imagine it, everyone had plain ole hardwood floors, and they were getting the latest cool thing in home decor. This reminds that shag carpeting is making a comeback. Anyway.

On another note, I have been doing Atkins for three weeks and have lost 12 pounds. I have lost most of my sugar cravings, and stayed on the diet through two horribly stressful days. (See a couple of posts ago…) The crummy thing is that I am having anxiety attacks. Interestingly, the anxiety can be stopped by drinking a bit of orange juice, which completely defeats the whole purpose of Atkins. My energy is all over the place–I’ll be dancing around one minute, and too tired to move the next. This has went on and on, so I’m planning on switching to a low-glycemic diet that has a few more carbs and keeping it all whole foods. Sage is along for the ride on this one, as he has gotten a bit chubby. No more Cocoa Puffs!

Stupid anxiety attacks. Oh well, if my tweaked version of the diet works, I can always post before/after pics and make a fortune selling my book, right? ;-P

Margaret was talking the other day about how sad it is when blog friends drop out of our lives. I’ve certainly experienced the same. But a few of you are still here, and right now in particular, that means the world to me.

You see, there really isn’t anyone I can talk to about what happened this weekend with Sky. Well, there’s my boss, who has a son with drug problems, but really, how much time does anyone have to sit around and chew the fat with their boss? Anyway, I don’t want her to see me cry. I can’t tell people at work about it, and the friendships I have here are fairly superficial. If I can make people laugh, then fine. Otherwise, there’s not much substance.

Here, I don’t have to make people laugh. I appreciate that beyond belief right now. I am really thankful for you all weighing in on the situation and providing support.

It was really traumatic. Yesterday, he was sitting at the table with me, and suddenly bursts into tears asking me, “Mom, when am I going to die?” Sage was right there, and it was just horrible. I fought back tears today just thinking about it. Seeing your child out of his mind, literally, is a glimpse straight into hell.

So, the task is…helping him to see his purpose. I stumbled into mine. I hope he can find his soon, because I believe a lack of purpose is what drives the escape from reality.

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On another note, we have been working like crazy to get the house ready. Sky is with me, and we are moving over there ASAP so he can get to work. We spent Sunday painting his room, and today, when I was on the phone with G., he said, “Don’t worry, let the men take care of it, Sweetmuffin.” Yes, Sweetmuffin is ironic. He and Sky are over there right now finishing up the trim, and I hope, tearing out the carpet.

Thank goodness I have that house with enough room for everybody and in a good spot for a kiddo with no car.

Oh man.

I called up Sky to see if he was ready to go out to eat, and he asked me if he could come over instead. He sounded bad on the phone, and I got really worried. When I got there to pick him up, he was a mess. Turns out he took 6 tabs of acid last night (I think) and is having a bad trip. I am “babysitting” at this very moment. I’m watching him out of the corner of my eye. Giving him the task of peeling potatoes was pretty effective, but we ran out and now I am at a loss.

It’s not terrible for him all the time, but he keeps bursting into tears and saying incomprehensible things that are dark and scary. He quits this NOW or I am going to get him into treatment. He told me that he wants to move back in, which is something that he has been talking about for a while, so I think he means it. At any rate, it is not much of a choice at this point. I think he is doing this sort of thing a lot, which to me means that he is having a difficult time with reality.

Reality at this point in time is that school did not suddenly become interesting once he started college and that it has been very hard for him to make friends that are in college doing something with their lives. Some of this has to do with the school, which attracts low-income people with attractive benefit packages. It is not known for having an intellectual crowd, as Sky would like.

At any rate, I don’t know what to do. He wanted to move to Portland, OR if we went with him, but I told him that I did not feel I could manage that as a single parent. The support system I have here is good. He doesn’t want to move on his own, but his doesn’t like this town. I can’t say I blame him. There are some things that it takes years to appreciate, and even I have difficulty making good friends here. I do think that he needs some goals. Right now, they’re pretty vague: Move away from here someday.

He definitely needs purpose. He’s such a smart guy. He’s told me that he doesn’t feel motivated. This feeling is not just drugs–he has been undermotivated since puberty. He also has to contend with ADD.

I seem to be good at helping other people’s children. I need to help my own. I need to find a place to start.

Update: This has been hell. He also took ketamine. He’s into some serious shit.