Warning: Long post ahead.
Update: Teaching is going fine, and is currently even enjoyable!
Okay, so I decided that I needed more purpose in my life. To that effect, I went and volunteered my services at a local interfaith agency that provides emergency assistance to people in need. I signed on as an “encourager.” An encourager is a person who provides guidance and encouragement (read, life skills training) to someone reintegrating into the community from prison, facing eviction, etc.
They matched me up with a woman from Mexico who has six children, all of whom are under the age of ten. Her husband went back to Mexico in order to escape prosecution for raping her ten year old daughter. Although the lady has lived here since she was nine, she does not have legal papers. This is a more common scenario than you’d think.
My part is to meet with her once a week. At the staffing, I suggested that I would brainstorm with their client ways to make some money under the table. She gets food stamps for the kids, and some TANF, but of course it’s not enough to pay the electric bill and buy clothes, toilet paper, you know…
So I go over there today. She lives in this area off two country roads (yea me for driving there!) that is kinda cool, actually, with chickens running around everywhere and all that.
The chickens are where the cool part ends. The trailer does not have a working toilet (very apparent from the smell inside), has broken windows, no light in the kitchen or living room due to electrical issues, and was filthy. Like there was a cup of chocolate pudding that had been thrown against the wall and left there to dry. Like the bedrooms are nothing but piles of dirty clothes that I guess the kids sleep on.
The lady, I’ll call her J, and I talked for a while. I’m going to help her with some school issues with her kids–bullying, speech services. We talked about her husband. I learned who is the main purveyor of cocaine in town. The conversation was really amazing. It went somewhat like this:
“Yeah, I told that sonofabitch that he should have just stayed with his 16 year old girlfriend. He could see how she likes him after a while. He only lasted 15 minutes on top of me you know, and a young girl like that–she’s gonna want some excitement, she has energy for all that! She would have kicked him to the curb!”
“Yeah, huh.”
Anyway, all of this was being said in front of all the kids! Yikes, right?
So I’m trying to kick my judgmental nature to the curb. She is one of 16 children, four of whom died. She started dating the man, 40 at the time, when she was 17. I really don’t think she knows how to do this whole thing–men, children, house.
She was out of diapers, and that was gross, because the kids were running around in dirty underwear. She told me how much they cost. I ended up asked Greg to go to Walmart and buy some. When I gave them to her, she didn’t thank me. I think she wanted the money. I suspect that the man in Mexico isn’t the only one with a habit.
I took one of the boys home with me for the afternoon. He is the same age as Sage, and they had a great time playing. I took them to a stained glass store here in town, and the owners showed them all sorts of stuff. It was a blast. The kid DID NOT want to go home. He made me promise I would come back. His mom says he never gets out of the house. Ack!
The ten year old daughter was ticked off that she didn’t get to go with me. The mom doesn’t let her go anywhere, because she wants her to watch the younger kids–1, 3, 4 and 6. She is resentful.
I worked with her for a while on her homework. She says that she never has her homework done because the kids are always running around being all noisy. True, that. The kids have no limits or routine, and it is chaos.
There is not one book or toy in or out of the house. There is a bunch of dangerous looking junk, however, that Greg is going to haul off next weekend.
Anyway, I have this idea. I’m going to take the last seat out of the minivan and put a blanket and some throw pillows back there. I’m going to add some age appropriate books. Then, I’m going to drive over there every day after school and we are going to read. (Kids in our district are supposed to read 15-30 minutes each night and document it.) Sage can read with them, and help the six year old. I can help everyone with their homework. I’ll bring snacks.
If the mom will just take care of the three littlest ones for an hour, it will work. These kids are still at the age when they WANT to do well in school.
Also, I’m going to suggest taking all of the kids for one weekend if she’ll agree to use that time to clean the trailer. Then, the next weekend, I’ll bring paint. No one should have to live like these people are living. It is just like a third world country. Actually, the dung covered mud huts are usually cleaner, from the photos I’ve seen. This is going to be one heck of a project.
Which leads me to the question of….how does one motivate another person who has been trapped in a rut for their ENTIRE LIFE? I went into this situation thinking that a woman with six kids whose partner had just left the country would be plenty eager to make money. I have a lot of ideas and resources. She didn’t even want to talk about it! Advice? I know you can’t change a person, but in this case, it’s certainly worth a try. The kids need a better life than this.
I’m going to bring her my decorating magazines. I don’t always like the fact that I read them, because it makes me want more. However, in her case, I think she needs to want more.
P.S. I’m sorry I haven’t been stopping by. My head is about to explode. I’ll check by soon.
