My black moleskine has been seeing some action lately. I have so much going on that it’s just too much to blog about without feeling overwhelmed, so I write it down there instead. There’s also the issue of me having cut my computer time down drastically in favor of more active things, like working out, spending time being mentally present with my family, hanging out with friends and reading some good books.
I went to Galveston for a week–yea! There is this long story around that trip that is just too much to go into here. The short version is that I ended up spending a day in the hospital thanks to a common drug (Aleve) that had an awful interaction with Ativan, which I take for anxiety. Actually, I have taken things like Xanax and Ativan for ten years for anxiety. Has this worked? Hell no. So, the incident in Galveston was a serious catalyst to quit taking this crap. Keep in mind that I was already at rock bottom after missing Todd’s wedding.
I never meant to be an addict, but I am. You can’t take this stuff for more than a few weeks and not be addicted, never mind ten years. So, here I am, down by almost a fourth at this point, and it is not easy. I didn’t think it would be. But I’m super excited about the possibility of my brain being “awake”, feeling smart and not being addicted to some chemical. I’m rocking the whole back to school thing, and this is the greatest motivation to exercise that I’ve ever had. Basically, if I don’t work out, I don’t sleep. This makes it easier to get to the gym… It’s really amazing what diet and exercise can do. I cut out ALL sugar, MSG, artificial sweeteners and other dietary chemicals. I’m working towards only eating meat that is organic/free range. I know if I was eating junk that this would be harder. I’ve lost ten pounds in this process so far, and that is definitely another silver lining.
God is so good. I had a choice between despair and faith, and I chose faith. My mental state is so much better–it’s really incredible. The depression is gone, and has been since the day I chose to face my fears and go to Galveston. There are little miracles that pop up constantly–I call them divine synchronicities–such as singing “Wade in the Water” on the way out the door to the beach, arriving at the beach and hearing someone else sitting next to me singing that same song. To me, it’s like God saying, “Hey, I’m here.”
I really think I’m at this point where I can have my best life, as Oprah would say. I’m stronger and healthier, and there’s nowhere to go but up. 
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In other news, Wile E. is being B.A.D. Major destruction. It is just unbelievable. I’m not sure what is worse, Wile E. in the house or the burglars… 
You are journaling so that’s perfect. I’m glad that you are getting better, even though the catalyst to all this positive change sounds mighty unpleasant. You sound upbeat and have a plan to get healthy and happy. Kudos, Michelle. I’m so proud!!
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Okay, now where is the affiliate link?
I kid, I kid. It’s good to see you doing well. Keep on rocking!
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I’m glad to hear things are looking up.
It’s fantastic that you faced your fears and made it to Galveston. YAY you!
Michelle you are so doing the right thing. Once you get all of that stuff out of your system you will feel so much better. Congratulations, I wish you all the strength and courage there is to keep going.
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You know Michelle, whatever happens you always manage to face up to it with such positivity that I know you can achieve whatever you set your mind to. And you seem to be doing just that!
Best wishes.
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I am so proud of you! That is awesome you went to Galveston. Need to email you, would love to hear more about the new way of life and eating style. I need to make a lot of changes in my life and just haven’t had the courage to do it lately.
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I am so glad to read that things are more positive for you! The trip to Galveston is amazing from where you have been, I’m proud of you for that. I hope you can check out my new blog, more family stuff, I look forward to your wise counsel. By the way, LOVE the picture, BIG fan of Kung Fu Hustle!
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Your title of this post made me smile. Cheat, dear one, cheat!
I’m glad it’s working and that you’ve found a generous measure of faith through this.
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I hope you are doing better now, Michelle. You know, life throws out daily challenges and in meeting them we evolve both spiritually , morally, and emotionally.
Have you tried kava for the anxiety? It is a ground plant root that is used in Polynesia as a drink. The kavalactones in it have anti-anxiety properties without that lingering foggy effect that lasts for a day or so with some prescription drugs. You get a mellow buzz for a couple of hours followed by a peaceful, feeling. A couple of caveats about it. It tastes really nasty! Also, avoid any kava product that does not use just the ground root. Other products that use leaves and stems have ingredients that can cause liver damage. The pure products from roots are apparently safer. Also, do not drive while taking this. I have taken kava off and on for several years now and it helps. I use it like an after dinner drink when I am unwinding at the end of the day.
How can Wile E. be anything but sweet?? I saythis while Sam is chewing on my arm and walking on the keyboard. LOL!
Take care,
Ken
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Hey sweetie,
So glad to here that things are going well. Good to kick the anxiety meds if you’re feeling like it’s the right time.
Good for you on givin’ the black moleskin some action – sometimes it’s good just to write for yourself.
Peace & love,
deb
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