As referenced in my previous post. And yes, my hand is artfully camouflaging the fat under my chin.
It’s fun playing around with the webcam.
Hair
10
Monthly Archives: February 2010
Stories Have Conflict and Tension at Times
I don’t always get to decide what is included in my story.
Last Saturday, my brother was hospitalized with pulmonary embolisms–lots of large blood clots blocking the arteries in his lungs. The doctor said that it was unbelievable that he was still alive. He had gotten short of breath and went to the ER, where they found all of this. Then they did an ultrasound and found another blood clot in his leg. The next day was really stressful as I worried about it breaking loose and traveling to his lungs before they could do the operation to put a filter in that would stop such an event from occurring. Thankfully, my brother doesn’t think that way, and I’m pretty sure my dad and I were the only ones visualizing possible catastrophe.
He is out of the hospital now, and doing well on the blood thinners. I got to see a side of my new SIL that was very disappointing to see during all this. This time, I’ll chalk it down to stress. I hope she’s not really as self-centered as she has seemed this past week.
I’m happy to say that I kept the Ativan dose reduction down in spite of all this. Normally, I would pop an extra one if I felt stress like this. Instead, I was able to sit there in the hospital, quietly have a panic attack while the doctor told us all of these horrible things, let it go away and be more accepting of things.
Sage has reached a point with playing piano that is really nice–no longer content to simply practice what his teacher has assigned him, he reworks the songs in a different key to make them more suitable to his ear–and mine! The changes he makes are beautiful. He’s also able to teach himself some of the more difficult songs on his own because he understands the symbols now. He’s such a pleasure to listen to.
We rode our bikes to the park last Friday for another homeschool park day. I just don’t see how this can work. I haven’t met anyone who seems moderate, and I’m very wary about exposing Sage to fanaticism. I mean, evolution is a bad word. I don’t understand how people can look at something like GOD and TIME in such a narrow way.
I’ve been trying to avoid politics, which increasing seem like the anthill antics of people who are sucked into mechanisms that ultimately distract them from seeing a higher beauty in the world. Have been there, was not happy.
I’m imagining myself a totally different person. A person who enjoys road trips because you can take pictures of cool things in small towns that many people pass through without a blink. Not me, because when you don’t travel much, everything seems quite intense.
A person who cut her hair off and added a blue streak. Yippee! Free at last from the arbitrary school rules about artificial colors in hair! Photo soon–I’m at the wrong computer right now.
Sage is healthier and happier. He’s losing weight from eating healthy food and exercising every day. He reads for pleasure. (I never thought I’d see the day.) He plays outside with friends instead of being attached to a video game.
I really like the life that our family is constructing.
Last Friday, we awoke to 3 to 4 inches of snow on the ground. I really don’t think I’ve ever seen Sage so happy, as he’s only seen snow one other time. He got a new bike the day before, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen him as happy as that, either. He’s been pretty blissed out.
Wile E. was a blur, and not just in the picture.
Salsa was also having a bliss moment.
Sage build a snowman. Later on, the park across the street was full of kids and they build a fort and had a snowball fight.
He was outside ALL day. Greg and I had fun, too.
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I read an awesome book entitled A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller. It’s autobiographical, and is about how he and two other screenwriters write a screenplay of his life. He begins to look at his life as a story, and realizes that he’s not living a very good one. So the whole idea is to live a good story.
There was one thing in particular that was really striking. This guy was having problems with his teenage daughter–drugs, horrible boyfriend, typical stuff. Miller tries to give him advice. He starts talking about the “your life is a story” stuff. He doesn’t think he makes any sense. Later, he gets together with the guy again and asks him how his daughter is doing. It turns out that the guy decided that his family needed to live a different story. They start building an orphanage in Mexico. The daughter gets all into it, and dumps the boyfriend and drugs. He dad says, “No girl who plays the role of a hero dates a guy who uses her.”
This really hit me like a ton of bricks. What story was I living when Sky was being raised? It was a very disjointed one with a plot that essentially went nowhere. Of course, every kid would benefit by growing up in a good story. So I started to think about how I could make my life a better story now, for Sage and Greg. I know I’m headed in the right direction. I’ve quit a job that I don’t think was the best thing for me, and I’m homeschooling Sage and spending a lot of time with him. We go on little adventures.
I want to do more things that create a good story though. One of the quotes from the book that I really liked was, “…if we want a Roomba vacuum cleaner, we are living stupid stories.” So true, so true. Life is so much more than what brand of television you are going to buy next and how you are going to find the money to pay for it.
One of the things about my story is that no one in my story can be addicted to drugs. The day after I finished this book I started cutting down on the Ativan again. This time, my goal is to cut down on my dosage. I’m not going to worry about how long it takes me to quit. When I feel okay at a lower dosage, then I’ll go down a bit more. I’m not going to follow a timetable and fry my nervous system like I did before.
Of course, no one in my story is going to be agoraphobic. It is amazing how much walking and riding my bike have helped me with the agor. I used to be afraid to ride down a three mile dirt road outside of town. (I know, unbelievably irrational and nuts.) Not anymore. I realized that I can walk three miles with no problem. The distance doesn’t seem like a big deal at all. I also don’t find myself dreading trips, and I’m contemplating going camping with my guys. We just need to plan the trip.
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Today, I had lunch with a writer friend. We ate at a “ladies that lunch” kind of place because I had a gift certificate that my in-laws gave me. It was delicious, and of course the conversation was great. I don’t think writers are ever boring. 
Sage is really rockin’ the Spanish. He made a 100 on his Rosetta Stone Lesson 4 exam. There is not a children’s version of Rosetta Stone. This is the same stuff the adults use. I’m really impressed. Immersion is important, so we are going to look for those opportunities. He has really pulled ahead in math.
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Oh yeah. A really strange thing has happened. Wile E. has turned into a GOOD dog. 
