Serotonin Woes
Posted on | June 12, 2010 | 4 Comments
I’m struggling with getting over a bump in the road right now. I felt so excited about quitting Ativan that I cut a bit too much this month–I have to go really slow–and gave myself problems. I know my serotonin levels are low, which explains why I cried for no reason last night. I know it will pass, as it’s simply a matter of waiting it out and not getting stressed out in the meantime.
I’m struggling with something related to this though. Watching my brain chemistry change after years of being tranquilized is an interesting process. On the bright side, good things are happening. As in, I’ve been afraid of storms for years, but not anymore. I sit on the porch now and enjoy the show. Apparently, Ativan has caused many of the symptoms it was supposed to be preventing. I’ve been on either that or Xanax since Sage was born, and a good amount of it too. I literally no longer know who I am. Here’s why.
When my serotonin levels are up and I’m all happy smiley oh look at that gorgeous tree over there, I really could not give a shit about what is going on in the world. Well, theoretically, I care, but not enough for things to really move me. Right now, they’re not, and I’m simply enraged. I do a lot of research for my writing job, and lately I’ve been accepting assignments that expose where big companies produce their goods. I love writing those articles! Anyway, I was doing research and came across this article about how our f*cking corporations think it’s just dandy to pay Bangledeshi workers 14 cents an hour. I mean, I want our jobs back in the United States! And if they’re not, they could at least be benefiting someone. There is not much to distinguish this from slavery. We think it’s so awful how children had to work long horrible hours in stinking unsafe factories during the Industrial Revolution, but buy our clothes from Kohls and Wal-Mart, our shoes from Adidas and Nike and our gadgets from Microsoft, all of whom are serious baddies in the global marketplace.
Aughhhh! I mean, what should we do, buy all of our clothes from Etsy? Perhaps it’s a possibility, you know?
I’ve known about this stuff. Do people who actually act on their knowledge have less happy go-lucky serotonin? Are we such a apathetic, sociopathic society because we’re all drugged up? What do you do with your knowledge?
On another note, I’m reading Hoodwinked: An Economic Hit Man Reveals Why the World Financial Markets Imploded–and What We Need to Do to Remake Them
That’s right Michelle, feed the beast.
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4 Responses to “Serotonin Woes”
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June 12th, 2010 @ 3:14 am
It’s hard because it’s not healthy (for blood pressure or mental health) to be outraged all the time, and yet we could certainly be!! My older daughter certainly is.
Margaret’s last blog post..Celebrating
June 13th, 2010 @ 4:21 am
My unprofessional opinion is that when our bodies go through any type of detox it brings up a lot of emotions. For instance, I am back on the raw diet right now, and for no reason, I’ll have a flash of something that has happened in the past and get angry about it. It soon passes and it’s stupid, but I think when our bodies go through any change, these flashes come up.
Your situation is a little different because you are experiencing a lot of things that were suppressed by the drugs. That being said, it sounds like you are making progress, you just have to tough it through the rough parts. I also agree that with knowledge comes responsibility. We can’t all save the world, but we can each do our part to do the best we can.
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June 14th, 2010 @ 5:01 am
If you can actually observe these changes you are experiencing, that means you are at least somewhat in control. As long as you are aware of what the medicines are doing, you can probably gradually figure out what the correct thing to do is.
Kelvin Kao’s last blog post..Sawing and Sewing
June 17th, 2010 @ 6:57 pm
Hang in there Michele – you are definitely on the right (and righteous!) track.
Peace,
Deb
JanePoet ~ JP/deb’s last blog post..Oubliette’s Superhero