I’ve been having a hard time with my attitude lately. I’ll think I’m not so stressed out about things, and the stress will show up anyway in the form of something physical. Like today. I threw my back out yesterday and can literally not get out of bed. Well, I made it to the bathroom, but I cried. I did not cry during two unmedicated labors. It was BAD. The photo above is the view from my bed. Not too bad, I suppose. I’ve got my kitty, my computer and a good book. I really hope this goes away soon.
My favorite uncle is dying, and my mom is having a really hard time with it. She is in denial, but her body isn’t. She has this really awful rash. My uncle has cancer. They operated and found out it had spread to the lymph nodes. The night before last, his heart stopped, but they resuscitated him. Now there is a “do not resuscitate” order, which I imagine is probably a good thing. He is pretty out of it, and thinks he is in the Florida Keys, fishing, which I’m sure is a much better place than where he is really at.
I’m having a hard time with it too. I’m not close with extended family at all, and he was the only person I had any contact with as an adult, although I can’t say it was all that much. I talked to him a couple of months ago–he called me to respond to a letter I had written that he hadn’t responded to. It’s like I was on his bucket list. He knew things weren’t going to go well. I am worried about how my mom is going to handle it when he passes. They have unresolved issues, and it’s sad, really.
My brother got out of the hospital a couple of days ago. They finally got the paranoia and all that to stop by adding Ativan to the mix. What a weird thing–as you know, Ativan is the devil I have been trying to get off. Speaking of which, I’m down to one milligram from four. Finally.
At any rate, I hate to see my brother on this drug, but whatever works. The status quo was NOT good. He is still not able to work, and I really hope he has a job when he feels more like himself.
I will be putting all of my arty crafty stuff up on Etsy soon. I have to attempt to sell some of it by the end of the year if I’m going to write off my many expensive trips to Hobby Lobby. It won’t be today, though! Sage and Greg were going to go camping, but Sage is going without Greg (Scouts) because Greg had a fibro flare-up. Now Greg gets to stay here and take care of me. Lucky him.
I have got to get out of this funk. I made an effort yesterday–walked the dogs and rode my bike, anyway–but here I am. At least Varmint is keeping me company.
Since all of this has happened, my family has been talking about mental illness on down the line, and I’ll be darned if my whole family wasn’t pretty much all crazy. Perhaps that explains all the artists…
