Anybody remember Nina Hagan? I would put a link, but there’s hardly anything out there for the “mother of punk, so what the funk?” Perhaps I am getting the spelling wrong. 20 years later, I still get her songs stuck in my head. Anyway.

I wrote this post a week ago in the car. I have been traveling like crazy–only to the next town, but today we went 20 miles beyond that. Even better, I’ve driven the car myself. I’m also able to just “space out” when it comes to driving now. I’m not altogether over the agor, but it has certainly gotten better.

Another aside…it seems that the more conscious I get about what I put in my mouth, the more difficult it is to eat meat. Even fish. The idea of eating something with consciousness is repugnant. It is difficult to get this idea across without coming off as “holier than thou” or whatever. Greg is not thrilled with this change. I suppose I’d better get cracking at those vegetarian cookbooks…

Anyway, am still losing weight. Am having to buy new clothes. Cheap ones, because I’m not there yet…

And here’s last week’s post:

As far as the school thing goes, it’s better and it’s not. I see that my principal is very stressed out about this job, and it is helping me to have compassion. There’s another factor at play, without which, I probably wouldn’t even be stressing about the whole thing nearly as much.

For several years, I have heard the phrase, “numbing one’s emotions with food”. I’ve never known what that meant. Certainly, I ate when I was bored, stressed, etc., but I know a lot of people who do that, and I’ve never felt “numbed”.

The thing is, when I cut out the sugar, and by that I mean ALL sugar, I started to feel different. Just to clarify, I’ve cut out ALL refined foods, and even some unrefined ones that are high on the glycemic index (link), such as potatoes. It is like Sugarbuster’s all mixed in with a low glycemic diet. Slow carbs.

In the mornings, I don’t eat. Maybe around 10 o’clock I’ll have a hard-boiled egg or a handful of walnuts. At lunch, I’ll eat butter beans with greens and sausage. Dinner is maybe a bowl of whole grain cereal or some chicken with some veggies. I don’t eat anything unless my stomach is actually growling.

So, back to the whole numbing of feelings thing. Without grabbing refined carbs all of the time as some sort of false fuel for my body, I’ve got LOADS more energy. Almost all of it is positive. I’m singing and dancing around the house. I’m Miss Happy at work. I exercise, and look forward to it. I dress more stylish (easier with less weight). I’m sweeter to Greg.

When I have those happy feelings, I really feel them! Now here’s the downside. When I have sad feelings, I really feel them. It seems that the sad times run about 1 to 20 against the happy times, but it is weird to feel them–really feel them.

I’m also feeling other things I had forgotten about. Simple pleasures, like petting the cat, seeing that crazy wild blue color in the morning before the sun comes up…those things, they are really pleasureable now, where before they didn’t even make it my radar, to tell the truth.

I was on automatic.

Oh, and fwiw, I’m still not liking my job all that much. It doesn’t feel like a fit anymore. But, the economy scares me.